When I was young, I wanted to be everything under the sun.  Of course, I was going to be a princess, but that goes without saying.  Then, I wanted to be a school bus driver.  Odd choice, I know, but in Kindergarden it seems like the coolest job in the world.  After all, just RIDING the bus is the coolest thing in the world!  Then, I wanted to be a teacher.  This led to my brilliant life plan.  I was going to be both.  I was going to pick up my students on my school bus, teach, then drive them home!  That way I wouldn’t have to pick between being able to write on a chalk board, and navigate the world’s coolest vehicle.   Two birds, one stone, dream come true!  Somewhere along the way, my grandmother convinced me I wanted to be a stock broker.  I didn’t know what that was or what they do, but they made a lot of money.  So, for some time in elementary school, I was going to be a stock broker.  For a brief time I was going to be a marine biologist so I could play with dolphins all day, but I quickly realized that the science aspect, AKA 95% of the actual job, wasn’t for me. 

Then one day, something changed my life.  My mom and I always had a thing for Barbara Streisand movies- we watched them all together, whenever we could.  So, one day, we watched Prince of Tides, and I knew that was it for me.  That’s what I wanted to be.  I want to be paid $500/hr and get to listen to people’s morbid, fascinating and sometimes disturbing stories all day just like Babs!  I was 10.  over the next few years, I focused my choice and learned a little more about what psychology really was.  And funny thing, it still stuck!  I may have changed the focus through the years; for a while it was child psychology, then abnormal psych, then abnormal child psych, but it always stayed psychology.  I read everything i could on the subject, not because I had to, but because I LOVED it!  One book that really hit me was “No Language But A Cry”, which my mom had given me.  (If you ever come across this little known old book, read it.  It’s amazing!  Horribly sad and horribly true, but a beautiful story nonetheless.)  In high school I got down to specifics.  I decided to forego the MD and PhD- the psychiatry route, in favor of the PsyD.  More hands on, less sitting behind a desk writing prescriptions.

After high school, for reasons completely out of my control, I didn’t go to college right away.  I had the grades, I had the scholarship, I had the admittance letter.  But other people had other plans. So as most stories go I threw myself into work, partying, and eventually marriage, followed quickly by divorce.  But during that time another amazing thing happened that changed my life, and turned my world upside down, and showed me not what I WANTED to be when I grow up, but what I was BORN to be. 

A MOM.

I had my first daughter at 23, followed three years later by daughter number 2, and daughter number 3 followed three years after that.  My world revolves around my girls.  I’ve done the stay at home mom thing, student mom thing, and the working mom thing.  But no matter what, “mom” me always comes first.   Shopping sprees include toys, kids clothes, trips to Chuck E. Cheese and the park.  Not because I have to, because I don’t want it any other way.  My husband gets burned out easily, saying he/we need a break, some time away from them, etc. but I don’t feel that way.  I get burnt out at work, at school, and sometimes from him, but never my girls.  I guess my complete lack of patience in the other areas of my life causes me to have endless patience with them.  I could be locked in the house with them for a year straight and being away from them never crosses my mind (I know, I’ve done it!)  Yes, I still get some alone time- the hour I get my nails done twice a month, the 10 minutes at the tanning salon a few times a week, and of course I work full-time.  But still, there’s nothing I want more than to be with my girls. 

Yes, I still have my dreams of earning my PsyD.  And yes, I’ll probably get there someday.  But it’s not first on my list anymore.  Spending as much time as humanly possible with my girls, while they’re still young enough to want to spend time with mom is what’s top on my list now.  And now that I am working again, the thought of spending what little free time I have in class or studying doesn’t seem too appealing anymore.  I’ll get there one day, maybe when they’re older.  But right now I am exactly what I was born to be.  A mom.  And a pretty good one in my opinion.