My world is about to be turned upside down. First a little history. We’ve been struggling for a long time. With two young kids at home and the cost of daycare today being more than my rent, for just one kid, it’s almost impossible for us to both work. For the past seven months, I’ve been working at a job I love. The hours aren’t set meaning I’m there as long as I need to be, which is significantly more than 40 a week, and most days I end up bringing work home. But it pays ok and I usually enjoy it. He gets the older one off the bus and stays with the baby all day. He’s not very good at multitasking, and never seems to have the time to clean, or put the toys away right (mixing everything together- puzzle pieces, blocks, crayons, dolls, etc; everything mixed together in various boxes, bins and corners making it not only an eye sore but impossible to play with). Coffee spilled on the counter dries, garbage and wrappers get stacked up on the counter next to the trash can. Spilled food stays where it is, and don’t even get me started on the clothes. Basically, nothing at all gets done during the day. I come home at night and immediately get the girls passed off to me. I finish feeding them dinner, bath then bed… Then I get to take my coat and shoes off. Finally, around 9-10 o’clock I can sit down and relax with my dinner, a nice big bowl of cereal or if I’m lucky some leftover rice, and break out the work that I took home. It’s not ideal, and can be pretty downright depressing. It would be one thing to come home to a clean-ish house full of happy people, but along with the lack of multitasking skills goes a complete lack of patience. I walk in most days to him screaming and them crying. Most times over little nothing’s that could have and should have just been ignored.

We don’t get to go out as we can’t afford a sitter, so there really isn’t much of a break at all for either of us. Some Saturday’s I take the girls and go spend the night at my mother’s house. It gives him a break from the girls and gives us a break from him. You would think that’s when the cleaning would get done, but more often than not I come home to the house even worse, not only are the girls’ dishes from lunch the day before, old food and spilled drinks, still sitting and crusted on the table, but anything he cooked or ate while we were gone is now piled up on top of the mess as well.

It’s been over for a while, out sex life is completely non-existent. He has said he’s leaving more times than I can count, and I’ve agreed, but with nowhere to go, no license let alone a car, no job and no money, things just stay where they are- stuck and stale. Plus, I can’t afford daycare, so I’m stuck having to have him watch the girls while I’m at work.

Like I said, my job pays ok, but as the only income for four people I still end up picking and choosing which bills get paid each month. Things are really tight, my cable and Internet were turned off this week, but it was either that or the electric. And what good are cable and Internet if you can’t even turn the tv on? I can’t afford to turn it back on, the past due balance is more than I care to admit. So it looks like I’m going to have to switch companies. My clothes for work are old and ugly, but I can’t afford to go shopping for more so I make do, dressing them up how I can. I feel completely alone most of the time, all the weight on me. I am responsible for all the finances, and I try to clean when I can, but I can’t keep up with the mess. I don’t get much help from him, save being here to watch the girls while I’m at work.

In a nutshell, things pretty much suck. And it’s about to go from bad to worse. Or worse to worse-er.

I am on my way home from work Thursday when I get a text- “my son is coming.” My response? “Don’t get your hopes up.” Now that may seem callous, but in the six years we’ve lived up north his kids have visited exactly ZERO times. They’ve said they were coming more than a dozen times, I’ve even had plane tickets booked. But then they have something better to do, or stay to hang out with friends and party. His kids aren’t young, his son is early 20’s, so it’s not like they couldn’t visit if they wanted, they just couldn’t be bothered. And when his son dropped out of high school to party with friends and smoke weed all day, he stopped returning his father’s calls for over two years so he wouldn’t have to hear it from him. So when I say “don’t get your hopes up” it’s because I’ve been through this emotional roller coaster with him more times than I can remember. So I get home and I get the details. He’s coming, oh and by the way, he’s coming for good. As in bringing everything he owns and never going back. Then I get more details. He’s taking baby’s room, her crib will go into the basement, her clothes will go into the five year-old’s room, and she stays in my room. Also, he has no job, no car, not a cent to his name. Oh and one more thing- he already left, will be here next week, and you don’t get a say. I’m expected to keep my mouth shut, pay the bills, and support everyone. Last I heard he sleeps all day, plays video games and smokes pot all night. He never finished high school so getting a job will be next to impossible, and without a car he wouldn’t be able to get to a job if he had one. He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, and there’s no way I’m trusting him to watch my girls. I couldn’t really afford the four of us, what the hell am I supposed to do now?

Yes, it’s his son, and I can’t expect him to turn him away. If it were my kid I would probably do the same thing. His son asked for help getting on his feet and I can’t expect him to say no. But the difference is he’s not the one helping, it all falls on me. And I can’t even help my family as it is. It’s not like his son had nowhere to go, he is and has been living at his grandmother’s for a few years, but he is leaving because he doesn’t want rules and is tired of hearing her mouth. So it’s all on me. I have to support myself, my girls, and two grown males and I can’t say anything about it. He’s mad that I’m not doing cartwheels out of joy. But can you blame me? It’s thrown on my lap and on my shoulders alone with a few days notice.

What am I going to do???

Now I know no one reads this, but on the slim chance someone does, I could really use some advice or support. I never ask, but just this once comments would be helpful and appreciated.

Usually I’d say call me crazy, today I say call me drowning!